Faces of PTSD Day "Not All Wars Take Place On The Battlefield."

I just found out today is #FacesofPTSD day. Today is a day to unite and show that PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is not only associated with soldiers on the battlefield. No one is immune to potentially ending up in a situation that could lead to battles with PTSD. Abuse, rape, accidents...there are countless ways that could cause PTSD to manifest.

I have dealt with PTSD since I was 18 years old. I'm now 39, and even with counseling I still have triggers and days that I struggle. You may be wondering why I would choose to address this here, on my pregnancy blog.

The reason is simple.

At 18 I was raped and that incident resulted in pregnancy.

I did what you are supposed to do. I went to the ER. Had the rape kit done, pressed charges...it was a humiliating and miserable timeline of events. In that day, I didn't know just how miserable it could be.

You see, I was only 18 years old. I had no one one my life who had been through anything similar. I didn't know what to expect medically or legally. I was just helplessly pulled under and along by the current of events, never able to catch my breath.

Just when I thought I could find moments of peace from the nightmares, the daily fears of if I was being followed or watched, I began having horrible cramps and some bleeding. An ER visit confirmed that I was having my very first miscarriage. I was shocked, angry, heartbroken....so many emotions that it was hard for me to process my thoughts.

To this day, I still have triggers. I still have fears. I still find myself paralyzed when faced with things and thoughts that flood my mind and body with ingrained stress and fear.

I may have never stepped foot on a military battlefield. But I assure you, my war is just as real and has had lifelong negative impact on how I feel, think, live, and react to the world around me.

I am the Face of PTSD.

Read the article that started the movement:

"What gives Google? PTSD search results"

Awesome News! No PTL!

I'm super excited! After all the crazy painful regular contractions I've been having, I found out today that I am not yet dilated and baby Logan is still safe and warm where he needs to be!! I am now happily off of bed rest!! I am so relieved!!

I actually took this pic today just in case Logan decided to make an early entrance into the world. Luckily, this won't be my last pregnancy photo!

Our appointment was fantastic. My MFM doctor took New measurements of Little Fox's heart to rule out any cardiac abnormalties that can arise from taking certain seizure medications. Everything looks well formed and perfectly functioning, so that is a huge weight lifted!

Dr. Brown said baby is very active, so much so he had a hard time getting him to settle for measurements and pictures! He then said, "The Force is strong with this one" and "Approve Yoda does!"

This of course had me giggling and made Little Fox even more actuve, so my Dr then said, "He loves it when you laugh! It makes him bounce around more!" I absolutely love his light hearted humor and his awesome bed side demeanor!

Here is Little Fox, weighing in at 1 pound 11 ounces. I'm so proud!

Third Trimester Already?

Seems like just last week I got my bfp. I vividly remember the fear and trepidation I had about telling my husband I got a positive. Then the fear we both had about getting excited, telling anyone, and our reluctance to be hopeful.

Ironically, after our last loss we had given up. We were done trying. That last loss almost broke me. It was so devastating. But here we stood, wondering how long this baby would stay.

I remember my first appointment with my MFM doctor and going over my pregnacy history. Seven miscarriages in my life, three in a year and a half time frame. He was patient, comforting and honest. He made no promises and told me he had short term goals of getting me to nine weeks, then ten, and so on. When we passed the twelve week mark, his eyes lit up with hope for our little family, as the miscarriage rate was now considerably lower.

I was now allowing myself to be hopeful and happy and it felt good. Our little fox has had a strong heart beat from the beginning and has been in target with his growth.

Fertility issues are painful. Most keep their struggles quiet, suffering in silence. I have very rarely talked about my own struggles because it is hard. I am grateful, however, that even with my difficulties becoming pregnant and sustaining a pregnancy, I have two healthy children and my third on the way. I'm an older mom now, which makes things a bit riskier but we are taking it day by day.

I was placed on bed rest yesterday due to ongoing contractions with nausea and such which started Friday. Last night, my husband put his face next to my belly and told Logan not to be in such a hurry to get here, to stay put, and not come just yet.

So here I lay, willing our baby boy to stay safe and cozy for quite a while longer, letting him know that 24 weeks and 4 days is just not long enough to ready him for the world just yet.

All the while feeling and watching him kick and play within my tummy without a care in the world.

So Many Changes in Just a Few Months!

Our little family has went through quite a few changes these last few months. We found out we were pregnant, were tickled to find out we got sticky baby dust and this pregnancy was holding, and we moved into our new place, all in less than six months!

Of course moving and getting ready for our new family member has been costly, so we are looking for days to be more frugal and spend more wisely.

Razors are definitely an expense, especially with more than one person in a household needing supplies, which is common in most families. I tried the cheapie razors from stores I frequent and they were awful and needed replaced more often than more expensive razors therefore voiding the cost savings.

I decided to bite the bullet and sign us up for The Dollar Shave Club.

They had a deal in which if you purchased their Shave Butter you got a month free of their Executive line of razors. So, I took the plunge, spent $8 (free shipping that day, too!) and eagerly awaited them to arrive!

My husband tried it out first. The Shave Butter smells ah-mazing! Comprised of such awesomeness like golden barley, organic prickly pear cactus, Pacific sea algae, black willow bark, and oat extract, it is a skin nourishing razor gliding delightful smelling experience!

My husband used the brand new blade and the Shave Butter made the razor glide effortlessly over his skin and the six bladed Exective razor have a very smooth and nick free shave. We were very impressed with both the quality and performance of our new razor! The handle has a good weight to it and is not at all flimsy. Another perk of the club? You can purchase extra handles, which is awesome since I try to change blades every two weeks instead of one, so that means our one month razor cost ends up being about $4 for us individually. Win!

If you have been on the fence about signing up, click the pic below and give it a try. It is definitely worth it!

(I am in no way affiliated with The Dollar Shave Club other than being a customer. I was not asked to do a review nor do I receive any compensation.)

I want to try all the recipes!

The past few days I've been a recipe pinnin' addict! Seriously, I probably need to step away from Pinterest!!

That being said, we haven't had fried zucchini together ever. So it's been over 2.5 years since either of us enjoyed some FZ, I figured I would follow a simple recipe and enjoy.

The recipe was simple enough to follow. Slice zucchini, dip in milk then cover with flour. Dip in the milk again and then cover slices with Panko bread crumbs.

Then I fried in oil three minutes on each side. Slices were placed on a cooling rack.

These came out crispy and tasty!! Nom nom nom!!

Clean Eating Banana Pancakes

So thanks to my wicked insomnia I have been spending a lot of time with Pinterest. I'm finding so many things there, especially recipes, that I want to try.

Recently, my nightly rendezvous with Pinterest led me to a review of Clean Eating Pancakes by The Moms Playground which you can read here.

We have our own hens so fresh eggs are available daily. My daughter and I both love bananas so we were excited to try this out ourselves.

The recipe on The Mothers Playground called for 1 ripe banana, two eggs, 1tsp vanilla extract, and 1tsp of ground cinnamon.

The review mentioned the batter was very runny and the pancakes didn't fluff up. Since I knew that from reading the review, I tweaked our batch by adding an extra banana and it thickened it up a bit. Once cooked, it had a very nice texture, too.

We topped ours with a bit of Cool Whip and they were delicious!!! The only other change I will make next time will be to half the amount of cinnamon as it was a bit strong for my daughter's taste.

All in all, they were easy to make, cooked quickly, had a great texture, tasted great, and it was a fun recipe to try here. We will make them again.

For full instructions and the review, please visit The Moms Playground!

Completely Exhausted...Completely

It's no big secret that pregnancy can be exhausting for many women. I mean, we are quite literally growing life! Definitely no small task.

But here I am, 22 weeks pregnant in my second trimester when energy levels are supposed to be higher. Instead, I want to cry from frustration due to lack of sleep. (I know, I know. Just wait til the baby gets here to talk about lack of sleep. But seriously, I've had two babies so this isn't my first rodeo.)

Maybe part of my exhaustion is due to being of "advanced maternal age" as the doctors so eloquently put it. I can't say for certain whether or not that has any part in it.

I CAN definitely place the blame on several other things though, like the insomnia (both the normal for me insomnia and the pregnancy induced insomnia) and frequent trips to the bathroom every night. The sudden onset of nasty heartburn. The restless leg syndrome that makes me feel like I can run a marathon.

However there are two newish sleep thieves essentially stealing what little sleep I was getting.

The first of those is the nightmare. Or nightmares, I should say. Vivid, all to real, freak me out kind of nightmares. The ones that once awake, you need to take a few minutes to figure out if you were actually dreaming or if it was real life. The kind that plague you and rear their ugly heads in your mind as you go about your daily activities. Those kind of nightmares.

Then there is the itching. The all over, "want to scratch your skin off" itching. It happens during the day but is manageable. At night though, it becomes unbearable. I had the same issue when pregnant with my daughter. It wasn't PuPPS and we never pinpointed the cause. Being that was over 12 years ago, I have a call in to my MFM doctor this morning.

Between my constant tossing and turning, bathroom trips, and now incessant itching, I'm surprised even my very patient husband hasn't exiled me to the couch nor has he relocated there, either.

In fact he called me from work this morning, heard the half awake tone to my voice and immediately told me to go back to sleep. I seriously needed that nap today and am so thankful I am married to such an understanding and patient man.

I don't expect much sleep during or after my pregnancy. But I do need some, no matter how little it may be, before I become a "mombie" prior to even holding my little one in my arms.